Today I found an article online that I have to blog on for those of us who have late toddler/early preschoolers at home, its called The Forgotten Step in Attachment: Negotiation and Separation. The article explains a theory that when children of this age are about to be separated from their parents how they may negotiate things in order to reduce their anxiety a bit. Showing that they are indeed attached to their parents but they are setting themselves up for a way to deal with the separation. The example the article uses is bedtime. I don't know how many of us have a child that always wants that last cup of milk before bed or has to use the restroom one more time. These are somewhat reasonable requests, notice the child does not ask for a new bike or a chocolate brownie because the parents would automatically say no. These children are learning how to negotiate, understanding that their caregivers want them to be somewhat comfortable and do care about them. This is a really good article and I really enjoyed it. What came to my mind while reading it, however, was why is this stage forgotten? When you read about Bowlby you don't read about this stage. I think it is a viable stage and shows significant relations to future relationships. How we may learn how to negotiate in relationships and how we learn to understand that our needs are connected to the people's need to care about us. It all seems like a big step to me.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/child-myths/200906/the-forgotten-step-in-attachment-negotiation
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Great read...I am very familiar with the negotiation techniques=]
ReplyDeleteI found you post very interesting and as I was reading it it brought to mind the times when my son and daughter in law pick up my grandson from my house. My grandson gets very emotional when he sees them come through the door and as we are talking to him and getting him ready to go he always wants a cup of chocolate milk. We generally give him one to take with him, which I always considered was helping distract him from being so upset, and he generally is able to say his goodbyes in a less emotional manner. I did not associate it with helping him deal with the separation. Very interesting thank you
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